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“He did, however, go overseas and brought his male partner back. My husband is displacing his anger and taking it out me.
He threatened her not to say anything to their religious and ethnic community, and she basically became their housekeeper and for the mother of his children.” Women who found themselves in these situations were conflicted on two levels, the researchers found. But then the second level is: I can understand why he has mental health issues because he also has experienced incredible pain and suffering for his same-sex attractions.” The lack of diverse sex education, which includes LGBT stories, is partly to blame for these issues between women and bisexual men and why this pairing is poorly understood, says Dr Pallotta-Chiarolli.
Other women would say, ‘Do what you want, as long as you stay who you are with me. You've fallen in love with this other guy now, and I think you deserve to go live with him for a while.
I just don’t want to hear about it.’ “Another older feminist independent woman said to her partner, ‘You’ve been so awesome to me. Just come and visit me periodically.’” And even among men who were out and active members of the LGBT community, misogyny lingered.
“Some bi men and their partners felt they no longer belonged and were discriminated against by gay men and lesbians.
Some women who had been loved by gay men were now hearing comments like, ‘You’d better lock your boyfriends away, the female predator is here’,” says Dr Pallotta-Chiarolli. Is the bedroom a sacred space or can others come into bed with us? Are we going to do gendered monogamy - meaning the man could only date other men and the woman other women?
Additionally, the men were far more aware of sexual diversity and desire, so these men were more willing to engage in less heteronormative sexual acts, such as liking anal penetration by their women partners. Many women found themselves exploring BDSM, polyamory, and were themselves encouraged to explore same-sex relationships.
"We had some women who said that after dating a bi man, they could never go back to dating a straight man." Despite these findings, says Dr Maria Pallotta-Chiarolli, such pairings are little understood, both academically and among the public.
Some women would say, ‘As long as I have veto power, you can see men,’ meaning she can tell him not to date guys she thinks have a bad vibe.
It turned out that straight men were the ones with more emotional and misogynistic baggage.